


Help Our Souls

by emij1s



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6605179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emij1s/pseuds/emij1s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They don't talk about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Help Our Souls

They don’t talk about it. 

They don’t talk about the stolen kisses or the secret touches or the way their eyes linger over one another as they walk by. 

They don’t talk about how almost every night Jace sneaks into Alec’s room, slides under the blankets, wakes him up by kissing at his throat and his chest until Alec drags him up to press their lips together, hot, wet, needy, but never light, never gentle, because they don’t do gentle. They do quick rough fucks with hands pressed over mouths to keep from being discovered, they do muffled gasps and faces pushed into pillows and bruising grips on hips that will get written off as injuries from sparring or missions or anything in between. 

They don’t talk about whatever it is that they have, they don’t bring it up, they don’t acknowledge it, but _fuck_ Alec wishes that they would. He wishes that Jace would look him in the eye and fucking tell him what this is, what they are, and that sounds so pathetic, the stereotypical _‘what are we?’_ conversation, but Alec wants to have it, he needs to have it.

Except he doesn’t, because if they do, then Jace will tell him. Jace will tell him without a shadow of a doubt that they are nothing, that they are brothers, _parabatai_ , nothing else, they will never be anything else, and Alec doesn’t know if he can take that. 

And so here he is, on his side in bed, eyes staring at the red numbers of his alarm clock and watching as time ticks away. He doesn’t know if Jace will come tonight. He never knows. Jace never gives any indication one way or the other of his plans, and Alec can’t say that he hates it. Wondering if Jace is going to show up is bad enough, but knowing that he won’t? That’s torture. 

The sound of footsteps out in the hall is so soft he wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t listening for it. The soft pad of bare feet against the stone floor is quiet, secretive, just like everything else about this whole affair. Alec closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep, forces his always tensed muscles to relax a bit, telling his weapon of a body to just unholster itself for the night and let this happen. Let this happen like it always does, go along with it because that’s what he does, follows Jace’s lead because he’s never led him astray to the point of no return just yet.

Dimly, Alec thinks that maybe that’s a lie, maybe it is too late and he’s never going to recover from this when it inevitably ends, but the thought is forgotten when he hears the familiar creak of his bedroom door. He listens as Jace makes his way across the room. The bed dips with his weight. The blankets shift as Jace slides beneath them, and then there’s a warm hand on his arm, soft lips pressing to his shoulder. 

“Alec.” It’s whispered, low, dark, that voice he’s known for what feels like forever calling out to him to drag him from a sleep it doesn’t know isn’t real. Hands move him, and he lets them, lets himself be pushed gently onto his back. He’s an expert at faking it by now, faking smiles, faking emotions, faking sleep, so it isn’t hard to give a soft little sigh and turn his head away, only letting his eyes flutter open when he feels Jace begin to pepper kisses over his collar bone. 

“Mmh...Jace…?” he mumbles, voice scratchy from disuse, but luckily it sounds just disoriented enough to pull a fond chuckle from the younger man.

“Are there other boys who regularly sneak into your bed in the middle of the night? Should I be concerned?” the blond replies, looking up with his bright eyes, smirking at Alec, and Alec gives a throaty laugh back. 

“Shut up, asshole,” he says, but it’s fond, soft, and he trails a hand up Jace’s back through his shirt to gently grip his hair. He tugs Jace up and presses their mouths together.

Things go to a blur after that. It’s just hands dragging clothing from bodies, mouths against skin, hands in hair, gasps and whines and too-loud moans and multiple variations of _‘shh, gorgeous, just relax, I’ve got you.’_

When it’s over, Alec is lying on his back, panting, one arm pillowing his head and the other wrapped around Jace where the shorter man has tucked himself against his side. The position makes it seem like they’ll never move again, never separate, like they’ll both fall asleep and wake up just like this, but Alec knows that isn’t the case. Once he fakes sleep again and gives Jace the opportunity to avoid the awkwardness of any conversation, he’ll slip out of the bed, grab his clothes, and be gone before anyone can notice anything off. And so for the moment, Alec lets himself relax again, hand rubbing soothingly up and down Jace’s back.

But then again, Jace has always made a habit of surprising him.

Alec looks down at the blond to find his mismatched eyes already staring up at him. His brow furrows slightly, and he opens his mouth, not knowing exactly what he’s going to try to say, but it doesn’t matter, because Jace simply leans up and captures his lips with his own like it’s the most natural, comfortable thing in the world, like they kiss after sex all the time, and as always, Alec lets it happen, returns it softly, is shocked when Jace doesn’t try to deepen it or dirty it or drag it out. It’s...light. Gentle. Alec finds himself lifting a hand to tangle into Jace’s messy hair, keeping him close, and Jace still doesn’t pull away, just gives what feels like a sigh against Alec’s mouth and shifts so it’s easier to kiss him. 

Alec isn’t sure how long they stay like that, kissing over and over again, almost shy, soft and chaste with the barest brushes of tongue, and at some point they both start smiling, and their teeth click together a few times, but it’s still perfect because it’s with each other. When they finally pull back, they’re both panting faintly, flushed, beaming at one another. Alec leans forward and pecks Jace on the forehead, getting a soft hum in return. Jace ducks his head, lips pressing lazily to Alec’s shoulder before he settles back down. 

They both fall asleep like that, tangled together, the blankets a mess around them. 

When Alec wakes up, Jace is still there.


End file.
